I will digress for a moment from the regularly scheduled topics to discuss how cheap I have become. This is a real doozie( how exactly do you spell doozie?)
I have been thinking a great deal about money lately – not exactly doing anything about it, but thinking about it. I usually ponder money around this time of year because, of course, it is the end of the year, and the insurance companies will be back to sucking the life out of us once Jan. 1st rolls around and we have to start over. Most people are thinking about garland, tinsel, gingerbread cookies and decorating the tree and I am thinking about decorating the deductible and hanging twinkling lights from our “Explanation of Benefits.”
I am also thinking about how many jobs I have that make no money at all. I am the hardest working unemployed person in the world. I make almost nothing teaching, less than nothing as a politician, exactly nothing for the pro bono work I do, even more nothing from the speaking I do all over the place because I feel some obligation to spread the word about all that I have come to learn and know ( dumb-ass me) and more than nothing for staring in, producing and directing movies and last but not least, bupkis for my work as a Pulitzer Prize winning blogger.
So… thinking about how much money I don’t have, I went shopping. A girl has to go shopping once in a while. With my Medicaid card in my wallet and my bills piling up,I found my way to shopping bliss.
First, a trip to the drug store for some much-needed “health and beauty” items. I bought shampoo for $1. Yes, $1. You can buy the fabulous shampoo I used to buy for $34.00 or you can buy shampoo for $1.00 Suave – costs $1. That is so cool. You can buy shampoo for less than a donut. Sophie called it “su-a-vee” but heck, who cares, it cost $1.
Feeling free and clear after spending a mere $1, I ventured into foreign territory and went to Shoppers World. Ok… call me a snob, whatever you want, but I never went to Shoppers World before. I didn’t even know what it was. But, let me tell you, I am going back. Shoppers World is the biggest store ever, it has more stuff than you can look it in one day. It has stuff for $3.99 and you can find labels you never knew existed.
I bought the best black leggings ever yesterday and they cost $2.99. I am wearing them right now. Can you see how great they look? They might only last for one day, but I am probably too old to be wearing them anyway. So what if they label reads, “UR Classy.” I am going out right now with my freshly washed $1 hair and my “UR Classy” leggings with my new “Beauty U” shirt. I think the reason the clothes are so cheap is that the designer doesn’t waste time actually spelling out the word “you.” That might be the secret.
I might even wear my new “Sassy girl shoes” that match.
Watch out world, I am coming through!